What Do I Want?


I woke up this morning contemplating what exactly it is that I want in an ideal partner – whether romantic or platonic, because I need to find my tribe. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. Something tells me that by being my authentic self, the people who are meant to be in my life will be drawn to me.

Along this line of thinking, I started wondering about old school personal ads where people would say things like SWF searching for blah, blah, blah. That seems backward to me. Sure, people who fit that description may reach out to you, but it’s unlikely that many of them will have any type of mental or spiritual connection with you. So why not flip it – instead of sending what you WANT out to the universe, try being real with who you are, and the people who can handle it will flock to you like a moth to a flame.

So, as an exercise, I tried writing down what I would say about myself to accurately describe my authentic self as much as possible. And this is what I came up with:

“Looking for friends. I enjoy music, movies, Netflix and chill, spending time with friends and family. I’m a career-minded single mom from the foothills of Appalachia trying to find my way in Chicagoland.

My daughter is the love of my life – everyone else comes next. I don’t have a lot of free time right now, so I’m being very selective with who I spend my time with. If I don’t feel comfortable, full stop. I’m strong-minded, opinionated, and have a dominant personality. I put the B in LGBT. I lean more toward women, but a good man easily catches my eye. Some of my best friends are men because I find that I tend to have more in common with them than I do most women. I’m a strong advocate for mental health issues. I have no criteria for race or gender – come at me with respect, and I’ll respect you. I have eclectic taste in most things and revel in diversity and variety. I’m somewhat of a homebody, but have been known to back dat ass up at the club. I don’t like liquor, but love a good merlot. I miss going to concerts and plan to do more of that in the future – definitely for the Rage Against the Machine 2020 reunion. I have the soul of an artist and love to be creative whenever I can, especially in my writing – I have self-published four books and plan to do more in the future. I lean to the Left politically and do not tolerate bigotry in any form. I’m a Unitarian Universalist Pagan and a member of the national organization of CUUPS. I have piercings and tattoos and planning to get more tattoos in the near future. The best way I can describe my taste in men – in an alternate universe Chuck D and Zack De La Rocha are my husbands, and I have a regular affair with Nikki Sixx. The best way I can describe my taste in women – all are beautiful and worthy of love and respect; black women are the Goddesses of the Earth.

If you can deal with all of this, then we can be friends.

My block game is strong, so don’t come at me so thirsty.”

This is a work in progress as I continue to think about who I truly am, how I define myself, what makes me happy and brings me peace.

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