The past few weeks have been weird, in many ways. Specifically, for me, the people who have come out of the woodwork and showed an interest in me is quite perplexing. Anyone and everyone from co-workers, people that I went to high school with hitting me up on Facebook, and friends. I had absolutely NO idea that there were people out there that would view me in that way, which says quite a bit regarding my continued struggle with self-esteem and self-image.
Perfect example – in the past couple of weeks, I’ve had two friends ask me to be their girlfriend – one man, one woman. I turned both of them down, of course, but felt bad about it. I didn’t feel bad about hurting their feelings necessarily, although there was some of that. A bigger part of it was that in some ways I felt like I should say yes as a way to be thankful that they even showed interest. How messed up is that? That says A LOT about how I view myself. I felt even worse about turning the woman down because she actually said, “I just wanted to put it out there because I’m afraid someone else is going to come along and snatch you up.” OUCH.
None of them get it. If anything, these two instances show just how much I need to be happy with myself right now. I feel like I’ve been beaten down so much that all the work I did in my 20s to be content with who I am has been erased. Relationships are hard. I don’t need that extra stress right now. I need to focus on creating my own happiness. Part of the problem with many relationships is that the people involved rely on the other person for their happiness. Unfortunately, when you rely on someone else for your happiness, you will inevitably be disappointed over and over again. Will Smith explained it best when he stated why it’s not his responsibility to make his wife happy:
“You cannot make a person happy. I thought that was a real deep idea. You can make a person smile. You can make a person feel good. You can make a person laugh. But, whether or not a person is happy is deeply and totally and utterly out of your control. And we decided that we were gonna find our individual internal private separate joy and then we’re gonna present ourselves to the relationship and to each other already happy. Not coming to each other begging with our empty cups out, demanding that she fill my cup. And demanding that she meet my needs. It’s unfair and it’s kinda unrealistic and can be destructive to place the responsibility for your happiness on anybody other than yourself.”
I get that. Deep in my core, I get that. I just wish everyone else would get it, too, and stop thinking that they can swoop in and make everything right. That’s MY job, not anyone else’s.
Have a blessed Monday, y’all.