Strength of a Different Sort


I let myself get dragged back into a hateful exchange. When will I ever learn? Nothing good ever comes from conversing with a narcissistic ex and hateful exchanges are counter-productive. They probably hurt me more than they hurt him, because now the chest pain and nausea has returned.

I’ve got to find a new strength and not get sucked back in. Regardless of how tempting it is, even to tell him f*ck you, it doesn’t help anything and only momentarily makes me feel better. I need long-standing goals in my life right now. I need to play the long-game. And this back-and-forth is just not getting it.

I need to be mindful and constantly remind myself of what my therapist said last night about ceasing all communication except when it comes to co-parenting. It’s REALLY hard to do when someone knows your triggers and purposely throws them up in your face to get a reaction. But, again, that’s what narcissists do, so they can twist it and play the victim.

First step, I need to keep myself busy with people that I can have meaningful dialogue with so that I just don’t have time to respond in any way. Distraction is a good way to buy yourself time to formulate a more workable plan to handle things in a healthy way in the long-term. Ideally, I know that just not responding, ignoring the messages, is the best route. Not only will that keep me from going down that path, but it’s scientifically proven that being ignored is what hurts a narcissist the most. They can’t handle it because it’s the reaction that they feed off of, not to mention that it keeps avenues open to possible narcissistic supply. SMH. It has to stop with me. But it’s hard. I’m such an expressive person, particularly in writing, that it’s hard to NOT want to get my thoughts out there.

Maybe I can still respond. I can put a witchy twist on this. Instead of responding directly to him, I will write out my thoughts, then ritually burn the paper. Wow. Talk about a spiritual release. I think that would be a huge help.

So, here’s the initial plan. Cut off all communication except in regards to co-parenting. Distract myself by having meaningful dialogue with people that I enjoy, so that I’m not only NOT responding to him, but I’m not even thinking about it. When I do get a message that is not related to co-parenting, write my response on a piece of paper, then ritualistically burn it to release the negativity to the Goddess as a form of sacrificing my bad habits.

Wow. I’m actually excited about this plan. This pulls on so many things that are ME that I think it will actually work. Too bad I didn’t think of this sooner, but sometimes, it’s the most negative things that give us the best ideas.

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