Today has been interesting.
For the first time in my life, I was completely alone on Thanksgiving. Instead of wallowing in loneliness, I decided on focusing on rest and peacefulness.
Still, as I look at all the happy family pics online, it does sting a bit. I have to wonder when I’ll have my happy family. I know it will happen eventually, just have to take things day by day.
I did a lot of thinking and processing today. To fuel my self-development, I focused on things in my marriage that I should have done differently. There’s A LOT, but could only emotionally handle thinking of certain things.
I know I cannot go back and change the past. The only thing I can do is make amends, learn from it, and move forward. So I took that first step tonight. I won’t get into specifics, but somehow I thought that once I got it out there, I would start feeling better. Not so much. My heart still aches. I just hope the other person got something out of it, even if it was a good laugh.
I know that the only thing that heals is time, and you can’t rush the grieving process. There are many who need healing in this situation, not just me. I’m helpless to do anything about it except give it time.
I’m just selfish enough to hope that I’m not all alone on Christmas, too.