This has been the worst holiday season of my life – and remember, I’m Pagan so technically the holiday season starts on Samhain…Halloween for all you muggles.
The breaking apart of a family can do many things – it can set you free, but also turn your world upside down because nothing’s the same anymore. Change is usually good, but it seems to take on a shadowy essence during the holidays.
Samhain was ruined this year, for the most part, because my daughter wanted to be with his family. My birthday and Thanksgiving were a complete disaster to the point that for the first time in my life, I spent Thanksgiving alone and had pizza for dinner. Yule was pretty much a bust because I didn’t realize until it was too late that a certain someone had stolen the only working lighter at my place, so we couldn’t even light the candles to welcome back the Sun. And Christmas? I’m still not feeling it to the point that we haven’t even put the Christmas tree up. There just doesn’t seem to be a point to any of it this year. I’ll ask my daughter later what she wants to do. If she wants to put it up, we will. Still not the same…it should have been up since the day after Thanksgiving.
What’s even worse, my ex has told my daughter things – exerting some type of control because of his bruised ego – and now my daughter sleeps in another bed. This is the first time in HER LIFE that she has regularly NOT co-slept with me. I admit, that makes me cry whenever I think about it.
So, how to start off this new year, this new chapter in my life? I’m going to do an online watch party of “Christmas Vacation” with one of my girlfriends to try to get me in the spirit. I will hopefully decorate for Christmas later this evening. I will audition for cuddle buddies next week, before some much-needed stress relief over the weekend. Then I will start my kick-ass new job on January 6 which will provide me and my daughter even more financial freedom.
From there, I will plan for a much-loved girlfriend to visit in February.
The lesson here, just as we learn with the teachings of Yule, the Light always returns after the Darkest time. This holiday season may have been awful, but we have many blessings to look forward to in 2020. So mote it be.