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Something We All Need


healing

Saw this quote online: “She needed someone to heal her…so she became healer.” – Alex Myles.

An adage is that time heals all wounds. However, I know more than many that the scars of emotional wounds run very deep. SO deep, that it could be something that happened 30 years ago, and you can still feel the pangs of it vibrating down through the years. This is the basis of PTSD.

These are the 5 tips for healing emotional pain per Dr. Mercola of “Take Control of Your Health:”

  1. Let Go of Rejection – Rejection actually activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain, which is one reason why it hurts so much…. The sooner you let go of painful rejects, the better off your mental health will be.
  2. Avoid Ruminating – When you ruminate, or brood, over a past hurt, the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more anger – without providing any new insights…. Ruminating on a stressful incident can also increase your levels of C-reactive protein, a marker of inflammation in your body linked to cardiovascular disease.
  3. Turn Failure Into Something Positive – If you allow yourself to feel helpless after a failure, or blame it on your lack of ability or bad luck, it’s likely to lower your self-esteem…. It’s more helpful to focus your attention on the things that you can control.
  4. Make Sure Guilt Remains a Useful Emotion – Guilt can be beneficial in that it can stop you from doing something that may harm another person (making it a strong “relationship protector”). But guilt that lingers or is excessive can impair your ability to focus and enjoy life.
  5. Use Self-Affirmations If You Have Low Self-Esteem – While positive affirmations are excellent tools for emotional health, if they fall outside the boundaries of your beliefs, they may be ineffective. This may be the case for people with low self-esteem, for whom self-affirmations may be more useful. Self-affirmations, such as “I have a great work ethic,” can help to reinforce positive qualities you believe you have, as can making a list of your best qualities.

As part of my self-healing process, my positive affirmations come from Lizzo:

“I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that b*tch.”

“Feeling Good as Hell”


enemy

There is a commonality in relationships – whether it’s friendship or romantic. Whether someone is a friend or a “partner,” here are some signs to look out for:

  1. Passive aggression.
  2. Jealousy and the blame game.
  3. Criticism and contempt.
  4. Arguing without communicating.
  5. Negative energy.
  6. Avoiding each other.
  7. You’re not yourself.
  8. Feeling like there’s no point.
  9. You only think about making him or her happy.
  10. You can’t seem to do anything right.
  11. Growth and change are seen as negatives.
  12. Reminiscing on the beginning instead of looking toward the future.
  13. You’re just not happy anymore.

I’ve put in bold all the things that I felt in my most recent relationship. If these are symptoms of your relationship, run for the hills! You deserve happiness and a partner and friends who support you instead of dragging you down.

So, if you find yourself in this situation, wrench the knife from your back and use it to carve out a bright future for yourself. Respect yourself enough that you’re not treated as a doormat. And even more so, teach your children to be strong, confident, independent, and to accept nothing less than respect. If the person doesn’t respect you, that person doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

I have been fortunate to meet some of the best people in my life, people from all over the world. For those who are still in my life, they are amazingly supportive and genuinely want what’s best for me and my daughter. And to the new friend who told me last night, “I absolutely think you’re very special, honey.” These are the types of things you need to hear rather than being told that you’re selfish and a bad mother. This type of thing actually reminds me of yet another Buffy the Vampire Slayer quote from the character Cordelia – I’ll leave you with this as a message for all who are reading:

“I’m gonna give you some advice. Get over it. Whatever is causing the Joan Collins ‘tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain. Spank your inner moppet. Whatever. But get over it, because pretty soon you’re not even gonna have the loser friends you’ve got now.”