Tag Archives: learning

A Call to My Tribe


heart-triquerta

I will not settle. I will not take orders. I am NOT defined by what others expect of me. I will not create myself in someone else’s image. I trust my own moral compass to guide my actions. I create my own happiness. I am grateful for all that I have. I embrace diversity as a path to enrichment. I accept the challenge to find the positive, to learn the lesson, in even the most negative situations. I am constantly becoming a more perfect ME, forever in progress.

Life is not without suffering. I have a unique opportunity to transform my own suffering into a bridge of understanding. Understanding only blossoms when the soil is rich with learning. The only constant in life is change. There is only meaning in change when we are self aware, when we learn. Through the awareness of my own experience, I continue to learn so that I continue to be a conduit for healing, touching the lives of people who have also suffered, comforting them through storytelling.

The Decision


Help message written in blood

When I put in my notice on October 20, 2014, it was actually something that was a few months in the planning…sorta.

The company I work for changed sometime within the past four to six years. I have some ideas on why it changed, and I’ll explore those in another post. For now, I’ll just say that I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the direction we were headed, particularly in regards to the working atmosphere.

In May, my husband and I began discussing plans to relocate to Chicago. Being in Chicago would put us closer to my family and his sister’s family. We even set a timeline – once our daughter finished her first year of school in June 2015, we would move.

Then things at work got astronomically worse. The bad environment that I had observed in other parts of the company came to rest directly on my shoulders in the form of a new boss. It was not just an issue of having a bad boss, it was an issue of having the worst employee interactions I have ever had in my entire professional career, both with this company and other companies – and I used to work for Wal-Mart, which is known for treating employees badly.

Although we had planned for me to leave the company next year, my experiences over the past six months, my interactions with one person in particular, are what influenced me to make the decision to leave right now, at this point in time.

For those who know me personally, I have never left a job without having stable employment waiting for me at the end. This time it was different. After reading a particular e-mail, I walked into my boss’s office and gave notice. I couldn’t wait until I found other employment – it wasn’t about ending a job, it was about saving myself. My doctors have even documented improvement in my conditions since I gave notice, further proof that quitting without a “plan” is sometimes the healthiest way you can take care of yourself.

I don’t regret the decision one bit.

A Glimpse into My Hell


red+devil+crystal+ball

October 17, 2014 was the last straw. It was the last time I received a communication that was condescending, seeking to “remind me” or “educate” me on how to do my job. Something I’ve known very well for twelve years.

This was just the latest example of what I had been struggling with for almost six months. I ended up crying uncontrollably, from anger and defeat, talking to my husband on the phone, desperately saying, “Please, can I quit today? I want to quit today. Can I? I can’t take this anymore. I’m better than this.”

This is the End


biohazard+mask

This month, I will leave the office job that I’ve had for the past twelve years. I fell in love with the company, believed in its mission…then things…changed.

It wasn’t a sudden change. It’s something that happened over the course of the past several years. The only way to describe the past six months is toxic environment. In the midst of an emotionally and mentally unhealthy space, I realized that the company I once loved is no more.

At one point a couple of years ago, I was contemplating the possibility of leaving. At that time, I still loved the company so much that I described the possibility as being like a divorce – when you end a relationship not because you don’t love the other person, but because you know that you can no longer be with that person and continue to grow and evolve.

Now, today as the end draws near, I describe the feeling as escaping from an abusive relationship where your partner expects you to do everything, even at the expense of your own well-being, giving you little in return. In fact, what you usually get is negative criticism, condescension, belittlement and a constant feeling of dread for when the next metaphorical punch will hit you in the gut.

And to the company, this is okay because the business comes first.

Not my home anymore.

Not meant for me.

Enough is enough.

This is the end and freedom is within sight.

It Was Nice Knowing You


shutterstock_175036412

A scream not of terror, but of relief. On October 20, 2014, I gave notice at the office job that I’ve had for twelve years. Actually, my twelve-year anniversary will be the last day with the company, November 25, 2014.

The good news is that I will be taking a couple of months off from the corporate drag and focus on my writing. I will FINALLY have the energy and will to complete “Mining the Dark.” My ability to complete my own projects will be astronomical once I don’t have these other distractions.

The GREAT news is that I will devote much of this time to my daughter, spending the holidays with her and being more present at her school.

This time away from the grind will also allow me to continue my path to healthy living.

In a nutshell, I cannot wait for this next chapter to begin.

Expect more on these topics over the coming months as I continue to process the impact of it all, and how my life is getting better because I said ENOUGH.

The Cauldron is Brewing


There is change on the horizon. It may be slow, but it will be glorious.

I’ve been writing, getting healthier (have lost 30 pounds) and forming ideas for an epic venture for all of us to enjoy.

Much of this stems from the fact that I realized that when it comes to my day job, I don’t love what I do. I don’t love my environment. In fact, I consider my current work situation to be untrustworthy and unhealthy. It’s beyond time for change.

When thinking of what I want to do in the future – aside from writing, of course – I know that there has to be a teaching aspect. I once received a tarot reading where the person told me that at my core I am a teacher, and whatever I do in life, I should never stop teaching. It’s the reason why the majority of my professional career has been in training and development – I’m currently an Instructional Designer, developing eLearning courses for a large company. So with these new ventures, I’ll most certainly devote much of it to a learning aspect.

Speaking of tarot, although I have not mentioned it before, as a writer it’s time to come out of the broom closet. Yes, I am Pagan. I have practiced various forms of Paganism for over 26 years. I embrace the word Pagan because not only am I a country dweller at heart, labels such as Wiccan never felt right to me. But that’s me. And these are things that we’ll all explore in my new ventures. I will post more when plans are closer to being finalized.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive during these trying months. Your kind words have impacted me more than you know. Blessings to you all…even to the haters.